This page consists the IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Answer Band 6 with Examiner feedback which will help you understanding the tactic to solve the IELTS Writing Task 2 Questions.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
INCREASING NUMBER OF PEOPLE ARE CHOOSING COSMETOLOGY SURGERY TO IMPROVE THEIR APPEARANCE?WHAT ARE THE REASONS?DO YOU THINK IS IT A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT?
Include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience to back up your answer.
Write a minimum of 250 words.
Sample Band 6 Answer
The world of fashion and beauty has a drastic effect on the thinking of today’s generation.It does not let us embrace our imperfections.People think that being beautiful from outside is a necessity nowadays.For such reasons, the common men prefer to have great looks.Thus, choosing cosmetic surgery for even minor deformities, such as, to reduce scarring on face, uplifting loose skin, removing facial hairs permanently etc.
The second reason is the marriage criteria in some Asian countries is totally dependent on the looks of an individual.Hence, unwillingly many young people desire to look flawless, so, they can get good proposals.For instance, In Pakistan and India, the rate of marriage is declining because everyone wants a handsome groom or a perfect bride.Rather focussing on their inner beauty and intelligence.Therefore, many youngsters opt for plastic surgery to enhance their features, such as, botox for lips, glutathione injections for fair complexion and minor operations to elaborate their face cuts/facial cuts? etc.Although, people are satisfied by becoming the epitome of beauty but they are ignoring the fact that all surgeries have some complications as well as contraindications too.
consequently, I believe that this new trend is having a negative impact on societies’ thinking and development.It is leading to the fact that being natural is not acceptable and a perfect partner is the one who has no imperfection which is not true at all.
To conclude, the two main reasons for the higher demand of cosmetic surgery is the impact of the fashion world and the lust/urge to marry the perfect ones.Thus, having a bad influence on societies’ thinking process and making them forget that natural beauty is best for all and people should adore/love their imperfections with confident.
This is the answer is written by the real student who appeared on IELTS exam and got band 6 for this answer. now, let’s us look forward to the essay feedback given by the IELTS Examiner.
TA – you have not paraphrased the question, You have shifted the topic to the influence of the media and then you mention the fashion industry and marriage without linking them to the media. How is the examiner going to interpret this? Have you misunderstood the question? Would a thesis statement help the reader? So para 2 is about “common men”? Does the question focus on men? And the focus of para 3 is Asia? Perhaps you should have stated this intention in the introduction. Para 3 ends, totally unexpectedly, with “surgeries have some complications” without any examples or explanation. No where in the essay do you discuss media influence despite despite making it the focus of the introduction, I don’t know how to assess TA!// CC – Para 2 consists of 2 sentences and and I can only see 2 uses of cohesion in the whole essay// LR – “contraindications” – is this a specialised medical term? The medical terminology for cosmetic surgery is excellent. But the question is about cosmetic surgery, it should focus on reasons (so cause & effect language) and pros & cons. “Outlook” does not mean appearance// G – you use the present continuous tense a lot. There are a few (very few) basic grammar slips and 2 very bad punctuation errors (can you see them?). The grammar range in the conclusion saves you// So, I’d say: TA – 5 (a bit strict but this is a two-part question and your answer isn’t ‘balanced’)// CC – 6 (using ‘although’ & ‘but’ in the same sentence at the end of para 3 is a error typical of an intermediate (B1) level student)// LR – 6// G – 7 (6 if I include the careless punctuation)// = 6.0
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