This page consists the IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Answer Band 6 with Examiner feedback which will help you understanding the tactic to solve the IELTS Writing Task 2 Questions.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do shopping.
Is this a positive or a negative development?
Include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience to back up your answer.
Write a minimum of 250 words.
Sample Band 6 Answer
In the modern times, there is a significant rise in numbers of people intend to do shopping from large shopping centres.Although, it does have certain benefits.I am of the opinion that, it would cause dire consequences for local shopkeepers.
There are certain advantages associated with the opening up of shopping malls.First of all, they provide a variety of products under a single roof, which consequently reduces humans’ effort and time.Secondly, they do provide employment to a large number of local residents.For instance, if I may present an example, the place where I live has a large mall offering employment to three hundred local graduates.
However, shopping malls also lead to cause dire consequences for small shopkeepers.As due to rising trend of shopping from stupendous malls, local businessmen nowadays are not in a position to even earn sufficient money for their survival.Either these people are shifting towards private jobs or indulging themselves in criminal activities.For example, a recent news published in local newspaper depicts that some shopkeepers have become convicted criminals and committing heinous actions for their survival.Opening up of malls is a curse for shopkeepers.
To conclude, I would like to stress that although there are inevitable advantages associated with large shopping centres.but for middle-class shopkeepers, it brings a lot of difficulties with them.In fact, earning bread and butter have become a dream for a common seller.
(224Words)
This is the answer is written by the real student who appeared on IELTS exam and got band 6 for this answer. now, let’s us look forward to the essay feedback given by the IELTS Examiner.
Examiner Feedback
TA – you give your opinion and then contradict yourself in para 2. You need to make your view clear throughout the essay, Is para 2 your opinion? Some shopkeepers have turned to crime!!!! Nonsense. The problem is that you have used a badly worded question again, This is a garbled version of an authentic question that I know well. You need to use a different source for practice material// CC – para 2 is ‘mechanical’ (never a good idea to rely on firstly/secondly. Para 3 is better. The deciding factor is the common mistake of using although & but in the same sentence// LR – “heinous”? “curse”? Is this formal/academic writing or a religious sermon? There are a number of other inappropriate word choices// G -there isn’t a great deal of variety in grammar patterns and there are a few careless slips
So, I’d say:
//TA – 6
// CC – 6
// LR – 7 (close to 6)
// G – 7 ( a bit strict?)
//Overall = 6.5.
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