This page consists the IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Answer Band 6 with Examiner feedback which will help you understanding the tactic to solve the IELTS Writing Task 2 Questions.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Many people believe that parents are not so close to their children as they used to be. suggest some reasons?
Include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience to back up your answer.
Write a minimum of 250 words.
Sample Band 6 Answer
It is true that people nowadays have become more busy than ever. Many people argue that parents are now unable to keep company with their offspring . It is believed that the reasons behind this fact are the involvement of both parents in earning money as well as the unhealthy daily routine of adolescents .
Firstly , it is evident that biological parents across the world strive to become economically stable. A study in the U.S ,for instance ,illustrated that 70% of both parents work extra hours to raise reasonable amount of money. This pursuit of economical stability actually deprives them to spend time with their children. Therefore, the healthy relationship that could be seen among children and their parents deteriorates.
In addition to this, children the world over are compelled to follow an awful routine . For instance, students stay in their education centres for approximately 6 hours. After finishing their homework ,they begin to seek stimulation from television or the internet. Because of the absence of their role models, they often hang out with their friends. This pattern of daily routine makes them recalcitrant and somewhat impersonal in nature. These factors are deemed to have negative impact on their relationship with their guardians.
To conclude, struggle of parents to gain economical independency along with poor routine of adolescents are the two major reasons of decreased closeness among parents and their kids. Hopefully the parents get to know the importance of a nuclear family.
This is the answer is written by the real student who appeared on IELTS exam and got band 6 for this answer. now, let’s us look forward to the essay feedback given by the IELTS Examiner.
I very much doubt that this an “authentic” question. Where is it from? TA – Penalty for word count. Why “biological parents”? This distracts from the question. Are foster parents & guardians not relevant to the discussion? “children the world over are compelled to follow an awful routine” – far to general so limits the band. And in para 3 you write about guardians! When did you shift the discussion away from biological parents? You are confusing the reader. Is your focus on adolescents or children? How does a nuclear family have more benefits than an extended family? You introduce a new concept at the very end of the essay// CC – borderline as with your other T2, There is some good use of cohesion but beginning a sentence with “Because” is really basic// LR – you can see from my comments in TA that the nouns you use confuse the reader. There are also some noticeable incorrect word choice & word combinations ( keep company with / reasonable amount of money./economical stability/kids/decreased closeness). There is probably just enough strong collocation// G – “more busy”! (busier). A very basic error in the introduction. There are noticeable article errors. “deprives them to spend ” – deprives (prevents) them from spending
So, I’d say:
//TA – 5
// CC – 7 (close to 6)
// LR – 7 (very close to 6)
// G – 7
//Overall = . 6.5 (could easily be 6.0).
Well, this are the essay sample for band 6. Mero IELTS consists other information too regarding IELTS Writing Task 1, IELTS Listening, IELTS Reading, IELTS Speaking. Below are the some links to the page which might be useful to a student.
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