This page consists the IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Answer Band 6 with Examiner feedback which will help you understanding the tactic to solve the IELTS Writing Task 2 Questions.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Increasing number of people are choosing cosmetology surgery to improve their appearance? What are the reasons?
Do you think its a positive or a negative development?
Include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience to back up your answer.
Write a minimum of 250 words.
Sample Band 6 Answer
Nowadays, grear number of people are very curious to improve their looks and fir this purpose they are inclined towards following the trend of cosmetic surgery. In this essay, firstly i will highlight the causes of this rising vogue, than secondly i will oppose this argument as for me its not an optimistic approach.
To begin with, the fashion of cosmetic surgery is prevailing rapidly because of immense influence of media industry on general public. As movies, dramas and magazines are showing the picture of humans which is larger than life and far more beautiful than reality which inspires public tremendously. Hence, in order to look as flawless as their favourite celebrity appear on tv screen people are going through thase artificially beautifying surgeries.for example, a pole was conducted among those individuals who have gone through recreational surgeries, in that pole people had to select a reason for making this choice of getting surgery done. Not surprisingly, 70 out of 100 people had chosen the reason that they have been inspired by some celebrity. So, results have proved that popularity of cosmetic surgery is due to the effect of media.
Indeed cosmetic surgeries are affecting society negatively because its waste of money. The reason behind such substantial amount of investment is to gain confidence by enhancing their out look through artificial techniques, but in actual scenerio this purpose doesn’t usually get fulfill. It is due to the fact that confidence lies in believing themselves and it only comes when someone starts accepting himself as the way he has been created by his creator not by making artificial changes in the structure of the body. For example young people aspiring to be successful actor are perfect sample for showing how the money has been squanderedby them, in terms of cosmetic surgery in order to gain confidence in front screen. As many of them who have become phenomenal look wise as a result of these surgical techniques have still failed to conquer the milestone of success in acting career. On the contrary, some actors who haven’t even spend a penny for rectifying their appearance surgically have reached peak of success in acting. One such person is rowan atkinson( mr. Bean) who is an ordinary looking man with some extra ordinary talent.
To sum up, cosmetological surgeries are spreading at such a high pace because of media. Moreover, I believe it is not an positive approach as its insensible investment which can not give confidence to anyone. I suggest it should be stopped by providing explaining to public about real concept of beauty and self esteem other, trend of cosmetic surgery would result in making world more judgemental, artificial and materialistic.
(446Words)
This is the answer is written by the real student who appeared on IELTS exam and got band 6 for this answer. now, let’s us look forward to the essay feedback given by the IELTS Examiner.
Examiner Feedback
TA – you deal with the topic of cosmetic surgery well. It would if you stated that you were dealing specifically with Indian society// CC – you write in a spoken style. This doesn’t help grammar but enables the writing to ‘flow’// G – I can’t ignore the frequent spelling mistakes, including the basic confusion of “pole/poll”. There is some collocation and a little idiom,which is appropriate// G – you use the present continuous tense a lot ( magazines are showing the picture of humans). Articles are faulty, as is punctuation in places. As a result, most sentences contain an error
So, I’d say:
//TA – 7
// CC – 7 (just)
// LR – 6 (“insensible investment”?)
// G – 6
//Overall = 6.5.
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