This page consists the IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Answer Band 6 with Examiner feedback which will help you understanding the tactic to solve the IELTS Writing Task 2 Questions.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world.
What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions.
Include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience to back up your answer.
Write a minimum of 250 words.
Sample Band 6 Answer
Since the origin of human life, violation of rules is pestilence for mankind. Now, in many countries especially in urban areas, the incidence of unlawful activities among young generation has increased. This essay will highlight the root causes of this pertinent problem and also will suggest remedies to tackle crime rate among youngsters in the forthcoming paragraphs.
The two main factors behind the rise in violation rate are illiteracy and unemployment. Education not only gives us academic knowledge but also helps us to understand about social norms, cultural values and responsibilities as citizen. Apart from it, unemployment leads to hopelessness, deprivation and it stimulate youth to indulge in unlawful activities. Take the United Nation report as an illustration, which state;??an educated person who has a job is unlikely suggested to commit a crime. In simpler words, uneducated and jobless are prone to fall in unlawful activities. In addition, weak bond between parents and children is another reason of this. In cities usually both parents work, so they have very little time to spend with their children. Thus , it also act as one of the main contributing factor the rising rate of crime.
Coming towards remedial side, there is plethora of solutions available. In first place, Government should take radical measures to ensure education to the masses. An effective possible remedy is to create new job opportunities for youth. Proper implementation of law is another best solution. It is seen that usually in developing countries, governments fail to ensure proper law and order which results in increase rate of crime. Proper implementation of laws and strict law enforcing agencies could act as useful remedy. For instance, after introduction of Scotland yard in U.K , the crime rate plummeted. In simpler words, fear of punishment from law enforcing departments restrains youth even from thinking about the crime.
To conclude, there is no doubt in it that involvement of youth in illegal activities and delinquencies have become bane of society but it is not something to worry about. Responsibilities are on the shoulder of the government as well as on the parents. Parents should keep an eye on their children otherwise our new generation would become criminals
(362Words)
This is the answer is written by the real student who appeared on IELTS exam and got band 6 for this answer. now, let’s us look forward to the essay feedback given by the IELTS Examiner.
Examiner Feedback
Another awful introduction. Keep it simple. TA – violation = rape. Why focus on this? A general & simplistic response.The Scotland Yard example is weak, The causes you mention are not all dealt with by the solutions// CC – theres a sense of development but linking feels clumsy// LR – some odd word choice (particularly in the intro) but plenty of collocation// G – many careless minor errors like the missing s off the end of words. Missing articles are noticeable, Your sentences are mainly, short, simple statements. Any passive or relative pronoun uses?// So, Id say: TA – 6// CC – 6 (might be 7)// LR – 7// G – 6 (too many minor slips. 7 if you are very lucky)// = 6.0 borderline 6.5.
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