This page consists the IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Answer Band 7 with Examiner feedback which will help you understanding the tactic to solve the IELTS Writing Task 2 Questions.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
The percentage of over weighed adults in western society has increased significantly across recent generations. discuss causes and effects of this disturbing trend???
Include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience to back up your answer.
Write a minimum of 250 words.
Sample Band 7 Answer
In recent decades, there has been a tremendous rise in the obesity rates of the developed world. The reasons of this expanded rise in obesity and it’s outcomes will be discussed in this essay.
Obesity is prevalent more in the western society nowadays for the reasons stated here. One major cause is, the trend of less physical activity, owing to busy work schedules of the adults. As a result, they tend to relax in their free time than to exercise. This money-oriented society forces them to work for longer hours and shifts, without focusing on their physical fitness,that has no substitute. In addition, another leading cause of obesity, is the choice of household items high in the sugar content. To remain convenient ,over the past few years, the consumption of these sugar coated products have been increased remarkably. For instance juices, cereals and now even fat free drinks are some of it’s examples.
The possible effects resulting from obesity can be discussed in the number of ways. Firstly, the sedentary life style of the adults has been ultimately leading to conditions like diabetes, stroke, hypertension and cardiac problems, which can have detrimental effects on human’s health. Moreover, high sugary products have been resulting in poor dental hygiene. Recently, a huge number of children has been reported to proceed for the dental procedures in the western countries as a result of tooth decay from raised sugar consumption.
In conclusion, a desk-bound lifestyle and the poor selection of substandard sweet items are the notable causes of obesity in the developed world leading to some serious medical issues, health problems and devastating consequences.
(267Words)
This is the answer is written by the real student who appeared on IELTS exam and got band 7 for this answer. now, let’s us look forward to the essay feedback given by the IELTS Examiner.
Examiner Feedback
This is not an authentically-worded question. TA – you answer the question well but I don’t feel this is a genuine question because even though you deal with the question, there is an imbalance between the 2 parts. Could you organise your answer differently so there is more explanation?// CC – para 2 is much better than para 3 making the band borderline. Could you organise your answer differently so there is more cohesion in para 3?// LR – good// G – ‘style’ rather than grammar errors is the issue here. “the consumption of these sugar coated products have been increased remarkably” – why “have”? – why in the passive?.” the sedentary life style of the adults has been ultimately leading to conditions” – why present perfect continuous tense? “a huge number of children has been reported to proceed for the dental procedures” – why “for”?. ” some of it’s examples.” – can you see the errors here?
So, I’d say:
//TA – 7 (could be 6)
// CC – 7 (could be 6)
// LR – 8
// G – 7 (close to 8)
//Overall = 7.0
Well, this are the essay sample for band 7. Mero IELTS consists other information too regarding IELTS Writing Task 1, IELTS Listening, IELTS Reading, IELTS Speaking. Below are the some links to the page which might be useful to a student.
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- IELTS Essay Evaluation Online Free
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