IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Answer #173

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This page consists the IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Answer Band 7 with Examiner feedback which will help you understanding the tactic to solve the IELTS Writing Task 2 Questions.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience to back up your answer.

Write a minimum of 250 words.

Sample Band 7 Answer

It is often said that, if children are allowed to decide there everyday matters they would grow up being self-absorbent. However, from my perspective the idea of letting children to decide according to their interests contribute to make them more confident and responsible individuals.

On one hand, children have their own minds like adults. Not all children have same interests. If they always follow orders from their parents and teachers then they might get too much dependent on others. Hence, they will lack confidence to complete any task by themselves. Undoubtedly, this would not be helpful for their upbringing. If they get the freedom to choose their activities like, choosing their garments or picking their hobbies then they would learn to easily manage their responsibilities eventually. This would also help to build their personalities strongly as they continue to grow up.

On the other hand, telling and making them to do exact the same as adults want them to perform in their daily chores can make them bored or demotivated. This could affect their enthusiasm to complete their routine tasks. In addition, if adults create a restricted environment for children instead of explaining them to develop their sense for fair and unfair then they would get confused and rebellious.

To summarise, children need proper support, care and supervision for their regular affairs but that does not mean they always need to be told what should be done. To build up strong characteristics they need to learn how to make decisions for their daily matters which would also help them to become sensible human beings.

(261Words)

This is the answer is written by the real student who appeared on IELTS exam and got band 7 for this answer. now, let’s us look forward to the essay feedback given by the IELTS Examiner.

Examiner Feedback

There are errors in the introduction that worry me. “absorbent” is an adjective for kitchen paper towels & nappies. “absorbed” is for people. Can you see the 3 errors here? – “the idea of letting children to decide according to their interests contribute to make them…”. So the intro doesn’t create a good first impression. TA – do you discuss both views? Para 2 covers the positives of freedom while para 3 deals with the negatives of being a strict parent. At least your opinion is clear! Is the issue that black & white? I feel a strong answer would mention which age group(s) you were dealing with// CC – there is a balance of conjunctions & cohesion//LR – this isn’t a particularly strong area but there is just enough evidence of collocation. Use of carrier nouns would help CC & LR// G – ” if adults create a restricted environment for children instead of explaining them to develop their sense for fair and unfair then they would get…” – is this meant to be a first or second conditional? The phrase is “sense of fairness”. “the idea of letting children (to) decide according to their interests contributeS to makING them …”. There are too many slips to achieve a really high band
So, I’d say:
//TA – 6
// CC – 7
// LR – 7
// G – 7
//Overall = 7.0 (but not a strong 7.0 so take care).

Well, this are the essay sample for band 7. Mero IELTS consists other information too regarding IELTS Writing Task 1, IELTS Listening, IELTS Reading, IELTS Speaking. Below are the some links to the page which might be useful to a student.

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