This page consists the IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Answer Band 7 with Examiner feedback which will help you understanding the tactic to solve the IELTS Writing Task 2 Questions.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?
Include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience to back up your answer.
Write a minimum of 250 words.
Sample Band 7 Answer
Juveniles should learn to distinguish between correct and abhorrent behavior during their formative years. It is argued that punishment is crucial to accomplishing this goal, a notion that I totally disagree with. In this essay, I will explain why punishment is both ineffective and harmful and I will suggest some punishment modalities that might be harmless and more efficient.
Punishment is detrimental to the mental and developmental well-being of children. When parents or teachers inflict some sort of physical or verbal punishment upon the child, the memory of this hostility is solidified in his memory rather than the mistake that has been made. Recent studies published in the field of pediatric psychiatry have proven that almost all methods used in punishment of children dramatically impact their self-esteem, and form an unhealthy relationship between them in their parents. Furthermore, negative reinforcement seldom helps in modifying behavior as youngsters focus on evading punishment in lieu of learning from their mistakes.
However, if punishment has to be used, there are harmless methods that may aid in discplining children. The methods that are to be used must be non-physical and must not fall under the category of child abuse. Additionally, the salient feature of such methods is that they must promote growth-mindset, which would ensure that the child understands and embraces his capability of improvement. A prime example on this is making the child do age-appropriate volunteer work after fully explaining the situation, so that it is clearly understood that this punishment is not a form of anger from the parent’s or teacher’s side.
In conclusion, I completely disagree with employing punishment to teach children the right and wrong because not only is it deleterious to the child, but also futile in terms of behavior modification. Nonetheless, harmless methods can be implemented as explained above
(298Words)
This is the answer is written by the real student who appeared on IELTS exam and got band 7 for this answer. now, let’s us look forward to the essay feedback given by the IELTS Examiner.
Examiner Feedback
TA – you approach the topic well but in the a practical example would be more effective than citing imaginary research and I feel you need to specify the age group you are focusing on. You do not deal with forms of punishment teachers could use adequately. Volunteer work “at an early age”?// CC – this is borderline because there is little use of cohesion but there is still a sense of development in the writing// LR – good despite a few word choices that a native speaker would not use// G – almost faultless but there could be more evidence of complex sentence patterns
So, I’d say:
//TA – 6 (close to 5 as you do not cover the second question in sufficient depth)
// CC – 7 (just)
// LR – 8 (the spelling errors might reduce this)
// G – 8
//Overall = 7.0 (closer to 6.5 than 7.5).
Well, this are the essay sample for band 7. Mero IELTS consists other information too regarding IELTS Writing Task 1, IELTS Listening, IELTS Reading, IELTS Speaking. Below are the some links to the page which might be useful to a student.
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