This page consists the IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Answer Band 7 with Examiner feedback which will help you understanding the tactic to solve the IELTS Writing Task 2 Questions.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Online shopping is increasing dramatically. How could this trend affect our environment and the kind of jobs required?
Include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience to back up your answer.
Write a minimum of 250 words.
Sample Band 7 Answer
With the advancement in technology, the trend of shopping over the Internet has become increasingly common. This trend contributed positively to our environment. Along with that, it affected the job market as well. Both aspects shall be discussed in this essay.
Shopping online is a positive development for our environment. It reduces the major issues of congestion on roads and pollution from cars. According to a recent survey, due to this trend, many people avoid going to a retail store and mostly shop online which leads to a reduction of environmental issues such as pollution, emission of harmful greenhouse gases and traffic. To illustrate, during festivals or season clearance sales many people rush to the stores, which leads to traffic jam, release of gasses from private vehicles. Thus, now with the help of shopping websites which are easily accessible to all, many people avoid visiting markets which in turn reduces the environmental problems.
Besides, electronic commerce market requires jobs which are very different from the regular jobs which retailer requires. For example, majority of the employers in this field are equipped with IT and marketing skills, the jobs they need are related to computer, software or web designing, whereas retailers require different jobs such as sale person. According to New York Times, the employment ratio has declined after the increasing online shopping trend because they don’t require many people, every detail is available over the website so salesman or representative person is not needed.
To conclude, this approach of shopping has made our environment better by reducing air pollution and traffic issues, but it has a dramatic impact on the job market. Labour jobs have declined and only technical jobs are needed.
This is the answer is written by the real student who appeared on IELTS exam and got band 7 for this answer. now, let’s us look forward to the essay feedback given by the IELTS Examiner.
Why “contributed”, not “has contributed”? TA – the q asks “could” but in para 2 you write about what currently happens, so you miss the opportunity to use a greater range of grammar structures. I feel you only partly cover the employment aspect of the q and your response is rather general// CC – para 3 is a ,muddle whereas para 2 has a good balance of conjunctions and cohesion// LR – plenty of strong collocation. Word choice is relevant to the topic// G – articles are a weak area. But it is the lack of control of punctuation (these may be typos but I can’t ignore them) and careless slips (including missing “s”s). Don’t use contractions
So, I’d say:
//TA – 7 (? but I feel you miss the significance of “could”)
// CC – 7 (‘just’)
// LR – 7 (8 is possible)
// G – 6
//Overall = 7.0 (but 6,5 wouldn’t surprise me).
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