This page consists the IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Answer Band 7 with Examiner feedback which will help you understanding the tactic to solve the IELTS Writing Task 2 Questions.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer
Include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience to back up your answer.
Write a minimum of 250 words.
Sample Band 7 Answer
Obesity of late has reached an alarming proportion, enough for the society to take a serious note of nailing this issue on an exigency basis. This problem is specifically relevant and even prevalent across the affluent nations. Now in this essay we will certainly analyse and figure out a way to solve this ever-increasing problem of corpulence.
Firstly, In developed countries like USA, England etc. the true cause of fatness can be attributed to lack of proper guidance about the nutritional facts of the food being consumed by the consumers on a large scale, so to solve this issue we need to spread awareness amongst the people of the harms caused by fatty foods(especially about trans fats the calorie count and even the hidden calories in some misleading advertisements) for eg, previously the packaged food packets did not carry minute details but of late the food and administration office of USA has made it mandatory for the manufacturer to mention all the legitimate food details before marketing their products. This approach has surely helped and would certainly even help further too, if food providers adhered to the norms.
Secondly, a sedentary form of lifestyle can also be ascribed to unhealthy fat accumulation. This can be gain due to a desk job or excessive use of computers. Therefore, the best way to address this problem would probably be to necessitate a fitness level to fit any and every job’s prerequisites. Practically this would possibly make an obese person hit the gym, adopt a sport etc. for instance to target even a navy, army or for that matter a pilot’s job also a person is graded on all parameters to fit in the job ambit. Moreover, if the same strategy is adopted by any nation, it would probably make the people instantly more aware of the repercussion of excessive weight, thus taking proper dietary modifications as well as would take their fitness regime more seriously
To sum it up, such kind of pragmatic and a sanguine approach towards weight gain would surely be able to target the creeping issue of obesity that too with immediate effect
(351Words)
This is the answer is written by the real student who appeared on IELTS exam and got band 7 for this answer. now, let’s us look forward to the essay feedback given by the IELTS Examiner.
Examiner Feedback
“Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer” is not the wording for an authentic Task 2 question, TA – “the society”. Which society are you writing about? The statement in para 2 is not true. in the UK people are bombarded with Public Health information. It is far from being a major cause. In para 3 why do you use specialised professions as examples?// CC – only 2 sentences in para 2? Something is wrong. Para 2 is much better// LR – this is difficult to assess as it is very uneven. No native speaker would combine “nailing this issue on an exigency basis.” or “analyse and figure out a way ” and” hit the gym, adopt a sport” in the same sentence. It’s an odd combination of colloquial and formal language. With care 9 is possible but I have to penalise “for eg, ” & “etc”// G – infuriating. There is either a lack of care or a lack of control (and I have to penalise punctuation in para 2). Look at these and think: ” like USA,”/” This can be gain due “/”if the same strategy is adopted by any nation, it would probably make the people instantly more aware of the repercussion” (2 errors)/”such kind of pragmatic and a sanguine approach towards weight gain would surely be able to target the creeping issue of obesity that too with immediate effect.”. The conclusion loses you a band
So, I’d say:
//TA – 7
// CC – 7 (just)
// LR – 7 (a bit strict?)
// G – 7
//Overall = 7.0
Well, this are the essay sample for band 7. Mero IELTS consists other information too regarding IELTS Writing Task 1, IELTS Listening, IELTS Reading, IELTS Speaking. Below are the some links to the page which might be useful to a student.
- What is IELTS?
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- IELTS Essay Evaluation Online Free
- IELTS Writing Task 2 Recent Questions
- IELTS Mock Test British Council
- Overall Band Score Calculator
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