This page consists the IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Answer Band 6 with Examiner feedback which will help you understanding the tactic to solve the IELTS Writing Task 2 Questions.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reduce traffic accidents ,other believe that there are other measurements could be more effective in improvement of road safety .
discuss both view and give your opinion ?
Include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience to back up your answer.
Write a minimum of 250 words.
Sample Band 6 Answer
There is a constant debate about eliminating Road Traffic Accidents (RTA) .some claim that legal penalties for inappropriate driving are substantial to minimize road accidents . Whilst, others advocate the view that safety enhancements of roads should be applied to overcome this issue . This essay will analyze both view of the argument , provided with my opinion accordingly.
To begin with , it is undeniable that implementing legal punishments for offensive driving habits is crucial .People obey more to laws when the legislations are strictly conducted by authorities to those who tend to deviates. In particular, penalties to drivers which carried out as payments will insure that such acts will not be repeated in the future. Moreover, punishments may extend beyond paying for law infraction .for example , some countries consider crossing the red light is a crime committing. Therefore , individuals who admit similar offensive acts are accused for prison .
Nevertheless , it should not be forgotten that , there are other useful measure which could be designed for improving the road traffic to tackles this problem . Firstly , it is crucial for the government to allocate apart of its annual budget to enhance the infrastructure and to make it more safe by designing special program system that can manipulate sever road congestion via computers and control room . therefore , traffic could be relieved and the accelerated with less accident rate . Similarly , highways should not left unwatched by cameras that could capture drivers with high speed .
In my perspective view , I strongly admire the fact that law should be applied on those who rely to deviate away from following the rules of driving . The result of irresponsible acts would lead to death , perhaps ,permanent disabilities .Therefore , offensive driving behaviors should be seriously penalized .
Thus even though , while some believe that legislations should be implemented on those who prpose to break the poper driving rules , other subscribed to the notion that , there are other solution to minimize RTA?s . I claim that taking the responsibility while driving is vital , otherwise , penalties are essential for offended drive .
(360Words)
This is the answer is written by the real student who appeared on IELTS exam and got band 6 for this answer. now, let’s us look forward to the essay feedback given by the IELTS Examiner.
Examiner Feedback
This is interesting. Your introduction looks very strong, apart from one slip, and the openings of paragraphs are also impressive. Yet the main body has many noticeable grammar errors & a lot of inappropriate word choice. This suggests to me that you have spent time memorising chunks of language but neglected to develop your productive English language skills, How can someone write it is undeniable that implementing legal punishments for offensive driving habits is crucial G (band 8+) and crossing the red light is a crime committing. Therefore , individuals who admit similar offensive acts are accused for prison(G band 6, perhaps 5). You have taken a dangerous route and I shall do the same as an examiner is permitted, which is to ignore what he thinks is memorised and only grade the language you have generated yourself. This does not affect the word count. My suggested bands and comments are below.
TA – no specific examples so you deal with the question in a very general way. The main weakness is that you give your opinion but I dont understand why you have that opinion. In fact, I find the opposite view in the previous paragraph more persuasive// CC – I had to reread this to find the second view, so there is a lack of helpful signalling, particularly carrier nouns, There is some cohesion but you rely on basic conjunctions (firstly/moreover/etc)// LR – you use crime vocabulary but mostly inappropriately with the result that collocation is quite weak, apart from what I feel are chunks// G – you need to work on countable/uncountable nouns & take care with articles. There are also some basic slips, such as missing s off the end of a few verbs.. You use the passive well is some places but make very basic errors with the same grammar in other sentences. This makes the examiner suspicious // So, Id say:TA – 6//CC – 6// LR – 7 (some examiners might decide 6 and ignore some sections)// G – 6 (rry using conditional sentences to add variety)// = 6.0.
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