This page consists the IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Answer Band 7 with Examiner feedback which will help you understanding the tactic to solve the IELTS Writing Task 2 Questions.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.
Include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience to back up your answer.
Write a minimum of 250 words.
Sample Band 7 Answer
Today technology has become an inevitable part of our life, although it has made us more susceptible to surveillances without our consent.
Technology has been omnipresent nearly in all aspects of our modern life. In spite of making life easier, it has created brand-new problems, being spied on is one among many. In fact, technology has exposed our personal life, taking our privacies away. Some people believe that in order to have a peaceful live and stay away from criminal and terror threats, mass surveillance should be imposed on all citizens. According to them, it paves the way for the government to easily recognize those threatening the society through criminal actions, for example, the security cameras installed in buildings and stores has prevented about 90% of robberies and if a burglary has been done, it has helped authorities to get the people behind it arrested within the 24 hours of the incident
On the other hand, another group opposes the idea, claiming that mass surveillance not only has not helped to decrease the crime rates and threats but also has led to blind accusations and arrests, thus, increasing the level of radicalization. Furthermore they believe that living under government?s 24/7 surveillance make life tougher and more frightening. Provided that these surveillance data gets on the wrong hands, it can undoubtedly put more lives at risk. As an example, covert mass spying on American citizens without them knowing in Obama administration has not resulted in a decline in criminal rates considerably, in contrast, it rose tensions globally among the American allies once it got leaked by the whistle blower, Edward Snowden, the former contractor of National Security Agency (NSA) and risked more American lives.
On the other hand, as the fact that the world leaders? telephone conversations had been wiretapped by US intelligence agencies revealed, the relationship of US with the world deteriorated causing distrust among the nations.
In conclusions, I firmly believe that privacy must always be respected and maintained, because everyone has got somethings to keep to themselves, that is why encrypting mobile apps that ensures end-to-end conversation encryptions has attracted public attention. For instance, WhatApp, a popular end-to-end encrypting app has got more than 1 billion users worldwide.
(366Words)
This is the answer is written by the real student who appeared on IELTS exam and got band 7 for this answer. now, let’s us look forward to the essay feedback given by the IELTS Examiner.
Examiner Feedback
What is the purpose of your introduction? How does it help the reader? You need a thesis statement to tell the reader what you are going to do in the essay. TA – What is the purpose of para 2? Is it about advantages or disadvantages? You need to signal more clearly, perhaps with carrier nouns. It is even more confusing because the following 2 paragraphs start with on the one hand & on the other hand. You put a new example in the conclusion! Your view is clear in the conclusion but I dont see how it relates to the previous paragraphs. In fact, you seem to have written a series of mini essays// CC – paragraphing is not logical. LR – excellent and almost totally appropriate.One spelling error (?) & one incorrect word choice (rose)// G – a good range but some minor slips with verb endings & articles. Faulty punctuation prevents you achieving 8// So, Id say: TA – 6//CC – 6//LR – 8//G – 7// = 7.0.(just).
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