This page consists the IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Answer Band 7 with Examiner feedback which will help you understanding the tactic to solve the IELTS Writing Task 2 Questions.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
People today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? What solutions can you suggest?
Include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience to back up your answer.
Write a minimum of 250 words.
Sample Band 7 Answer
In recent years, the global safety rates have somewhat decreased. As a result, it is now argued that individuals do not feel secure neither indoors nor outdoors. This essay will examine the roots of this problem and suggest some steps that could be taken towards tackling the issue.
There are several factors contributing to the general insecurity among people. What lies at the bottom of the problem is a gap between the wealthy and impoverished that has been widening for a long time. Since the poor cannot find a job to provide for their families, they are now more inclined than ever to commit a crime. For example, crimes such as robbery or burglary have become one of the most used means of livelihood, eventually causing an insecurity. Apart from this, currently in many countries, the large number of vehicles create massive traffic jams which in turn makes the roads too dangerous for children to play outside. As a consequence, a sense of security is declining which makes it clear that a danger is becoming apparent in light of numerous factors.
However, some measures can be taken in order to overcome this problem, thus ensuring the safety. This could be addressed by opening up some job training sessions for those unemployed people living in abject poverty. Needless to say, if the poor were provided with suitable jobs to eke out a living, this would obviate the need to perpetrate a crime. On top of that, some surveillance cameras could be introduced to crime prone areas that are also thronged with people so that this would serve as a deterrent to other would-be offenders. This has been most effective in Finland, where having been installed, those security cameras prevented many felonies, hence ensuring a safe environment for people. As this shows, this is a problem that could successfully be dealt with, if prompt actions were taken.
In conclusion, while the need to make a living and a huge traffic congestion are the main precursors of the problem of incessant danger, some measures such as creating new job vacancies for the poor and setting up monitoring cameras would certainly help to cope with the very problem.
(361Words)
This is the answer is written by the real student who appeared on IELTS exam and got band 7 for this answer. now, let’s us look forward to the essay feedback given by the IELTS Examiner.
Examiner Feedback
TA – l really don;t like this question as the response would vary from country to country. To convince the reader, reasons and examples need to be specific. Someone in Latin America would answer very differently to you or someone in the Gulf States. So where are you writing about? You say general insecurity and that will not give you a strong band. But the greatest flaw is that you introduce roads too dangerous for children to play outside yet you do not even touch on it in when offering solutions. I suppose the CCTV cameras might be related to this but if the reader has to guess.work hard, TA will be limited// CC – looking with greater care, it is clear it is not as skillful as some of your recent postings. it is not mechanical as you do not rely on basic conjunctions to link sentences.ideas. But the way you throw crime & child safety together is artificial. On top of that & needless to say dont sound right in a formal essay// LR – you still have a tendency to think you are a nineteenth century Russian novelist. Remember you are writing for an educated lay (non-specialist) reader. I don;t feel there is anything terribly wrong with it but & there is collocation galore.Im not sure how much of your word choice I would opt for it I had this topic to write about// G – one of the most used means of livelihood, – is it vocabulary or grammar that makes this clumsy? Think through the nouns you use. Are they countable or uncountable? Similarly, think about why you have used a/the. Most of the time it is not grammatically wrong but can influence meaning. Do you feel there is much faulty punctuation? Id say tortuous rather than wrong// So, Id say: TA – 6// CC – 7// LR 8// G – 8// = 7,0. So even though there is a major difference in interpretation between Ben & myself, the overall band is the same (you have no idea what goes on behind the scenes at an IELTS test centre!) and I agree that LR remains the area to work on. CC is weaker than you might expect because, for me. the way you have constructed your argument is flawed. For style you need to read the Economist & New Scientist (which I think you have recommended to the group) & The Guardian &The Independent newspapers.
Well, this are the essay sample for band 7. Mero IELTS consists other information too regarding IELTS Writing Task 1, IELTS Listening, IELTS Reading, IELTS Speaking. Below are the some links to the page which might be useful to a student.
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