This page consists the IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Answer Band 8 with Examiner feedback which will help you understanding the tactic to solve the IELTS Writing Task 2 Questions.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Crime rate is decreasing compared to the past due to the advance in technology as it can prevent and solve the crime. Go you agree or disagree?
Include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience to back up your answer.
Write a minimum of 250 words.
Sample Band 8 Answer
In the past few years, we have witnessed a significant decline in the number of crimes committed in the society. Many would argue that this phenomenon is attributed to the revolutionary advances in technology taking place nowadays. In my view, I completely agree that technology has greatly contributed to both preventing and solving different crime types.
Technology has recently contributed to the process of crime prevention. This can be evident by how it significantly reduced the rate by which theft crimes are committed in shops or even houses. Nowadays, for example, every shop in a shopping mall has a security system, comprising of surveillance cameras and sensors, installed. This can help in detection of any unusual activity in the surroundings as well as any strange behavior shown by customers. Hence, technology has further helped to preserve the shops? items on display and additionally, deterred offenders from stealing valuable items and running away with it. Therefore, security cameras can be a very good example of how robbery offences are diminishing as a result of technology.
Furthermore, advances in technology have aided in solving a plenty of crimes such as: abduction and mobile phones? stealing. Offenders kidnapping a victim can now be easily tracked by parents or political authorities, thanks to ?GPS? and other location detection services that are available now on virtually every mobile phone. Similarly, another salient example that holds this theory true is the fact that even stolen mobile phones can be instantly retrieved owing to the updated detection programs and techniques used by police authorities. Thus, there?s no question that solutions to a number of crimes are reached by means of technology.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that if it had not been for the constantly-updated technological breakthroughs, a considerable number of crimes would have passed unsolved and a significant number of offenders would have never been caught.
(307Words)
This is the answer is written by the real student who appeared on IELTS exam and got band 8 for this answer. now, let’s us look forward to the essay feedback given by the IELTS Examiner.
Examiner Feedback
Your introduction is good. You answer the question clearly. The only thing I would change is to make some of the vocabulary more academic. Perhaps in recent years instead of nowadays, as its a better paraphrase of your early point. Careful, society is just society, not the society. Great use of preventing and solving.This can be evident seems unsure of itself. Just say this is evident because everyone can see it, so it IS evident.
Again, nowadays, for example, is a bit long. If you can get rid of all those commas, get rid of them!
For example, every retailer in an average modern shopping mall has a security system comprising of surveillance cameras and sensors. All the commas are gone and the sentence flows better. One other point is dontgeneralise! Remember, its an academic essay. Dont say every shop has sensors installed. Do they? Can you prove this?
Instead, say an average shop has sensors installed. This is less of a generalisation without facts. Furthermore, advances in technology have aided in solving a plenty of crimes such as: abduction and mobile phones? stealing – careful here, you dont need : to list two items. Most of your essay is very strong and your use of grammar is usually excellent. Your sentences are constructed with a variety of linkers, your arguments are logical and detailed and your vocabulary is advanced. Just have a look at some of the phrasing issues I pointed out and I dont think youll have any problems.
A quick response: Id say: TA – 7 (the response could be developed considerably further)// CC – 7 ? (I feel there is an overuse of basic conjunctions, I prefer para 1)// LR – 9// G – 8 (9 if not for a plenty)// = 7.5 – 8.0.
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