This page consists the IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Answer Band 6 with Examiner feedback which will help you understanding the tactic to solve the IELTS Writing Task 2 Questions.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Some people say that the best way to improve public health by increasing sports facility, others however say that they would have little affect on public health and other majors are required.
Discuss both views and give your own Opinion.
Include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience to back up your answer.
Write a minimum of 250 words.
Sample Band 6 Answer
It is very common saying that ?Health is Wealth?. So, it is considered by many that best solution for public health is to increase facilities for sports. However, other believe that it only doesn?t play vital role in fitness, other things are also important to become healthy. In this essay I will discuss both views and try to reach a conclusion.
By increasing facilities for sports individuals who are keen interested in their health will take part in sports and will no longer be unhealthy. Since sports have its own joy people will rather take interest instead of being boring as usually in gymnasium. Therefore it will be quite easy for them to exercised by just playing any sports. In fact, as our university has announced sports week, students are paying attention to being part of this event, even though there are separate exercise rooms for all departments but most of them are often seem to be empty.
However, few more things are equally important to being healthy. For instance, to take care of diet, avoid oily things, quit smoking, sleeping not less than 7 hours a day, and proper yoga. Furthermore, if someone tries to make himself/herself healthy only sports will not do so, therefore it is mandatory to take these things under consideration. Moreover, few months back my friend Ali was suggested to take care of his health by doctor just because he is suffering from lungs cancer, since regardless of only playing any sport he should also avoid smoking even second hand smoking to live more.
The conclusion I have drawn is that both Sports and using proper guide, taking care of other things are important, sports is easy way to tend individuals towards their fitness rather than putting them in Gyms all the time, also taking care of few other things is key to become healthy we should take them parallel.
(313Words)
This is the answer is written by the real student who appeared on IELTS exam and got band 6 for this answer. now, let’s us look forward to the essay feedback given by the IELTS Examiner.
Examiner Feedback
In the introduction there are 3 missing articles in the first 3 sentences, otherS not other; things; is not going to impress the examiner and what does it only doesn?t play vital role in fitness, mean? So the introduction has restricted the bands for G & LR already. And dont use contractions (doesnt) if you want 9. TA – what is the connection between health is wealth & sports facilities? Your friend Ali? Are you writing a letter to us or an academic assignment? You answer the question by writing a list ( take care of diet, avoid oily things, quit smoking, sleeping not less than 7 hours a day, and proper yoga) but dont give reasons// CC – you rely on mechanical conjunctions to link sentences// LR – you use things 4x. Thats unforgivable. But there is also evidence of collocation. Overall, theres a lot of inappropriate word choice. few months back is Indian English, quit is informal// G – there are some good chunks of language but also noticeable errors. For me, faulty punctuation is the deciding factor.// So, Id say: TA – 6 (7 if you are extremely lucky)// CC – 6// LR – 7 (just)// G – 6 (I doubt an examiner would award 7, there isnt enough variety)// = 6.0 (6.5 is a slim possibility)
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